pretty sure he is actually an extreme pro-lifer who is playing into his rhetoric backwards. You sure arent one. Some said he deserved the label because he exposed the LW to STDs. April 9, 2012, 12:16 pm. Except that hes not. Chuck(le) Whether those parents planned it or not they need to be there for that kid and not just dump it becuase you feel like it. Whatever. That my life revolves around this so called love of mine?? You deserve each other! Hey, honey, I thought you had control over your bodies? But the LW could be using selective words to paint him in a certain light, such as replacing upset with furious. So me making it a laid-back scenario is no more absurd than making it a scenario where he a shitty human. Part of the reason I feel no one should be forced to be a parent is that those who are forced to be parents often cause the most lasting damage to the children. He has made it clear that he wants a pregnancy to be terminated. April 10, 2012, 6:37 pm. But women and children, in the context of child custody and support systems, end up in extremely unfortunate and unfair situations far more often. We judge people all the time where our judgment has absolutely no effect on the outcome, we arent participants in the issue and no one gives a crap what we think. landygirl Id be more concerned with him having unprotected sex with someone HE just met. I always try to take what the LW says at face value though, and a lot of times I turn out to be very wrong when the updates come around, but I still always think its better to react to what they said not what I think they said. landygirl But just my guess. Im pretty sure the guy is being called scum because of his shitty attitude towards the pregnancy and the unborn child. But if she is not YOU need to decide if you can handle your boyfriend having a child with another woman. Month later, Lady finds out shes preggers. Having read some of the (ahem) well-reasoned responses to my post (and your response), I realize the interwebs are probably not the best place to argue the merits of paternity law. Fuck yes, he shouldnt have a choice in that. And he has agreed to support the child financially. I agree that using a condom (even when she was on the Pill) would not have necessarily meant she wouldnt have gotten pregnant. You brought up the issue of trust and wanting to build trust. April 9, 2012, 4:55 pm. 2. the guy is not worth you in a relationship. Like labor isnt extremely painful. You mean, a man shouldnt be able to decide to throw money at his child, but never once be involved whatsoever in the childs life?. Is anyone else eagerly anticipating the update to this one? Iwannatalktosampson That reasoning, btw, comes from Karen DeCrow, feminist attorney and former president of NOW. April 9, 2012, 5:46 pm. Oh, me too! any story where a man was forcibly stopping someone from getting an abortion- Yes, that is terrible of the man in question. His response to my comment was all dont tell me what to do with my body. As we established earlier, men dont really have the option to walk out on a fetus, because the fetus doesnt need anything from them yet (although certainly dads-to-be provide a lot of support to moms-to-be in most cases). I think he was just really scared, and alot had changed in a really short matter of time. When two people opt to have not conceive by mistake but instead carry through to birth a child, they should be obligated to that child. But clearly this woman who is keeping her child DOES really want the child and is presumably prepared to handle all that comes with having a child. And it wont be you for very long. (Well assume she is pro life for non religious reasons because Im not sure why a religious person would be fine with banging after two minutes thats a whole other can of worms). wendy, i love you for leaving the crazies to us! He begged me not to go, but I left anyway because I didnt think things would change and I wanted him to see what life was like without me in hopes hed run after me. You want to work on your social skills. If she is a crappy mom the kid will be used to interfer unless she can find some sucker that wont let her. Well put. Therefore, unless a man has sex only with the intent of becoming a father and only with the intent of never being with another woman, he is an asshole. However, if a woman has sex with a man, she can make all the choices and decisions, force palimony, and essentially treat that man as their financial slave for the next 18 years. iseeshiny Maybe because she wants a tie to the LWs boyfriend. That is the point when an intelligent person makes their decision. ago. Weeks. He loves me and doesnt care about the mother but wants to be there for the child, but said he doesnt have to and wil wait for the DNA test. Sigh. Apparently, the belief is that no one should ever have sex unless they intend to have a child with the person and are sure that it is a good idea. I agree that condoms provide significantly better protection than not wearing anything. I think that gives you a little time to get on her good side and work on those shortcomings. bittergaymark He should be angry at himself for choosing to take his chances, knowing the possible outcomes. Even if you wore a condom. You want some advice? Is it fair to a kid to be born into a world where his dad abandons him? You are the one who is keeping this rollercoaster of a relationship going with him. Commenters on most websites just depress me I dont bother reading them anymore. The pregnancy pulled you back from the brink. door to door service. That is what passes for reality in your world? Now, again, I dont see why it is so hard to let him go, and why you cant move on. REALLY?! The man has NOTHING to do with any child creation. Most guys with the level of responsibility that he is showing dont pay child support, anyway. Steve Kellmeyer All it is is having someone served w papers requiring them by law to have a q tip swab their mouth. No clearly this is a brilliant way to be supported for life. I think its more like HIV sufferers are more likely to be honest about how they got it because there isnt a societal blind eye for bullshitting about your personal responsibility for ending up in the predicament. But even though I led you to think I didnt want to become pregnant, Im going to keep the baby and thereby obligate you to two decades of child support, is, while totally within her rights, still a massive breach of the pre-coital understanding, express and implied, between the parties. If he didnt get tested prior to running back to the LW then yes, he did expose her to STDs. Here he chose not to wrap it up now he made a child. Ive been silent on this website a while, and by and large tend to agree with most of what is said, but I could not sit quiet as people suggested to a) force this man into parenthood, and b) suggest that this woman is incapable of being a single mother. Its not JUST about your ex-boyfriend, LW. Another thing that happened in my friends case is that at the same time that they signed things to waive his parental rights, the mother had the child adopted by her fiance and then her fiances name was put on the birth certificate from the get go (though, this was all done behind my friends back and that part was done without his consent, nor was even discussed). This gets to the basic conflict. Steve- The law doesnt say theres no child at conception. He cant try and opt out of the rules that he knew he was playing by when he had sex with this woman. Should you be frustrated at the situation? April 9, 2012, 1:23 pm. Also, there are so many single parents who have adopted. And now I couldnt imagine life without my husband, but Im pretty sure Id live through it (and have) if he werent around. Its easy to think the guy is a scumbag for not wanting to be a dad. Id drop this guy in a heartbeat. Ill bet if LW gets pregnant, this guy is gone just about instantly. Dont let him use you because his life is in chaos now. but all those prominent male politicians usually turn out to be gay and not hetero at all.. bittergaymark This does sound like a lot of cod wallop and baby malarky shenanigans to me as well. The point you bring up here is why I cant wrap my head around one night stands. nurserie cerise et capucine we broke up and he got another girl pregnant.If your ex got married only months after the breakup, then something doesn't feel right.In most cases with my clients, the girl is wanting the guy . What I see is a huge surge of anger at the guy and all sorts of reflections on what type of person he must be, and relatively little anger towards the woman, whose pregnancy and right to bear the child are apparently sacrosanct. Let him go. The divide between the populations of men and women that make up people differs only by a couple of percent world wide, so unless your definition of the term people consists largely of men, that argument falls through. reader, yelyah77+, writes (16 April 2009): A He told me he will obviously be paying for it but wants nothing to do with her OR the baby. Fury at the woman he impregnated is misdirected. Does that change the situation as all? But were here to offer advice to LW, so I say evanscr05 is right: Dump this loser, yesterday. No, a responsible father who is involved in the childs life will get joint custody. I get what youre saying. Please read our Comment Policy before commenting. If I ever get pregnant and the dude wants nothing to do with the child, I will not force him. Solved. Otherwise were looking at an extremely improbable event which the woman in question was able to predict with uncanny accuracy. April 9, 2012, 12:49 pm. It doesnt sound like shes ready or willing to deal with him having fathered a child, especially if he changes his mind and wants to be a part of its life. Thats true I figured there was enough speculation on dickish behavior Id just float a more tame scenario by. You are able to get through any obstacles on your path. And she doesnt have to be a liar to have been on antibiotics, thus rendering the pill largely ineffective. So he and the LW should break up for good. Nothing. He is going to focus his energy and time with his baby momma, his relationship with her, and making sure his child is born. Honestly, I see unfairness in the current system too, but I dont see how you could look out for the best interests of children while simultaneously making everything 100% fair for both mother and father. so we have a 8mth baby. I give up. Is this a valid summary? I am amazed at people who think abortion is wrong for religious reasons, but have no concerns about coitus with people outside of matrimony with people they just met for two minutes. He does have a responsibility towards this baby, whether he likes it or not. The last 15 girlfriend jokes It's bro's before hoes, not bro's over your girlfriend. Because guess what? So he had no obligation to her whatsoever. He cant force her to get an abortion, and she cant force him to be in the kids life. Also he could argue in court that the EXs fiance has taken on the role of father and the child would be damaged to find out that the fiance is not really the father. Its because of biology, and a legal system that puts the interests of the child above the interests of the parent. Im late to this, but WHAT THE FUCK. But if you are uninterested in a relationship with him because of his newfound drama then walk away sister. So he literally now has to reap what he sows as the consequences of his actions. he delivers the baby from the nursery to your house. But by that same logic, you must be prepared to call a woman who doesnt want to be a mom a scumbag for getting an abortion (in the instances the guy wants to keep it but that woman doesnt). I just dont see any part of the circumstance that allows a 40 year old man who was having consensual sex to take the other issues out on his own child by refusing to have anything to do with it. And I tend to agree that with certain situations, men end up with the raw end of the deal. April 9, 2012, 2:37 pm, Well, its always possible that shes NOT in her right mind. People surely arent calling him scum for not taking responsibility, because hes apparently going to provide support. Cowards who abandon responsibility when they dont want to deal with it dont make good partners. April 9, 2012, 10:04 pm. You may not agree with it, but the laws are such that he is obligated to raise the possible resulting child and/or pay for that child for a couple of decades, if she decides not to terminate the pregnancy. Totally personal question, but have you ever been in the position where you had to choose whether or not to have an abortion? At this point, she doesnt even know for certain that the woman is pregnant or that its his child. Now, I want to believe him, but in my rightful mind I know I will be so dumb to buy all that he is say. I have no idea why you two took a break if you cant live without each other, but honestly, neither one of you is mature enough to be in a committed relationship. I think what you are trying to explain are the two types of custodyover the person and over decision making for the person. People arent calling him scum for having unprotected sex with a women he was dating. I dont usually ever think letters are fake, but this one MIGHT be fake. The kid has no blame here. Chris (played by Tyler James Williams), is the ambitious, normal, responsible, intelligent, and kind-hearted, but troubled, unlucky, unpopular, untalented, nonathletic, underachieving, hapless, awkward, nerdy, vulnerable and mischievous eldest child and protagonist with anxiety disorder of the series.He wishes he was more like his younger brother, Drew. April 9, 2012, 4:18 pm. Maam, he didnt waste any time moving on from you. Now Im confused. No one has a condom, Lady says Its cool, Im on the pill and Dude says awesome, I already took my Viagra anyway, cant really run to the store. They bone. (And a hint- if your boyfriend is as much of a mess as this letter makes him seem, its not- no matter how much of a mess you are). in whether or not a child is a result here is what all you men should do at like age 18 or whatever. What the fuck ever. He must be a complete scumbag, because no one ever has sex without a condom unless they intend to have children or are scumbags. My above reenactment was not a true depiction of the dialogue I believe took place. Whats your lawyers address? Women are more easily able to get custody? I find it enjoyable to do because it makes him happy, and it turns me on to get him so turned on. And hes a bigger idiot if he doesnt think hes responsible for whats happening to him now. If hes such an awful scumbag, why would you want to force him to be a father. There are many other examples of behavior that might possibly lead to unwanted consequences that we each do daily. If you know you absolutely dont want kids, do everything you can to prevent them. Well, hey, point out the flaws in what I said, then. Addie Pray Where the issue comes in is who physically is around the child more, which is placement, which though there has been progress tends to err on the side of the mother still, with all other things being equal. Thanks for proving you and your ilk are out to entrap men to sustain your lifestyle by dropping as many babies as you can..and living on welfare checks honest people pay for..SLUT! February 6, 2017, 4:03 pm, Simalar to me.. we fell inlove from schol at 15 we kiss at 16 sex at 21 we separated for 5mths he saw another girl and she lie told him she was pregnant..she moved in his parents house..i said goodbye he came begging me ..he dont love her.tears tears .. the next month her period came her lie came in the openshe never left ..i have since moved on ..25yrs to dated he still beging me to come backi played a game with him recently ..i said i would leave my husband would u leave your wifeto be with mehe said yes yesdo u have money to buy a house for me like what u did for her.the silence was deafing.i hang up the phone.. playersmove on leave him alone, lets_be_honest Knowing him for two minutes is not significant at all to a woman who feels that abortion is morally wrong for religious reasons. I knew, but loved him so much, forgave him & said wed give each other some space, but when I gave that space, he just went on ahead & made this lady pregnant. Part of the agreement was they he was to never have any contact with the child. April 10, 2012, 7:23 pm. Men and women have control over conception on the front end of the decision- and a woman is stuck with the pregnancy. That pretty much sums it up for me. Originally i had used much more crass language and forgot to delete the apology ooops! She should have either used additional contraception or not engaged with sex with a man who wasnt actively pursuing fatherhood, because now shes fucking with 2 other peoples lives who do not have an active role in the decision-making process. One of the draw backs of only knowing someone for a short period of time. By your logic, its just as much the waiters fault for not making sure the kitchen used different gloves when she didnt bother to tell him just how severe her allergy was. bittergaymark April 10, 2012, 9:06 pm. A female reader, iz07a +, writes (11 March 2010): my exboyfriend and i have been together for 5 yrs. If they dont want to be taken, then they should think before they poke. Paraphrased of course. Mostly for the kid though, I think. Exactly; he sounds like a total loser, and how the hell would she ever be able to trust him going forward? Even if shes annoying, shes more than a hole for him to stick it in, and it would bother me to know my BF had just used another human being as a glorified masturbatory aid. I cant imagine what my friend would have had to deal with if that was his child and he had to have dealt with her for 18 years. reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2008): A Generally it turns into a bunch of bleeps. Relax. Um, yeah. My ex and I broke up for the first time a year ago. Consider that this child should be the most important thing in his life, more important than you. Then the unlikely happens. For all we know, he used a condom and thought she was on the pill. As for what you do: I personally would ask him to ask the woman to get a paternity test. You wouldnt need to administer it. lets_be_honest Also, it implies that using a condom prevents pregnancy. April 10, 2012, 7:00 pm, If you dont want to potentially end up with a kid with a woman you cant stand, dont have sex with her.. landygirl Regardless, I again find a double standard in saying he must be scum to not want to be in the childs life but that opting to give a child up for adoption is a perfectly viable choice for a woman. It doesnt involve any weird semi-involvement; but rather a clean break for the child and a chance to build a happy, loving life with a set of great parents. Everything else aside, most of the guys in this thread are more upset about the sex part than they are about the child out of wedlock part. Its her body, there is a million reasons she might choose to have this child, even if she never so much as speaks to your prince again. And, lo and behold, you arent coming across any better. If you were having a good communication way with him before, you can found out that he got another girl pregnant before you were dating. Freeze your sperm and get a vasectomy. when i was single i acted as if the other people i was involved with werent thinking about it. Its not right Im sure I wouldnt.! Its called lying. However, my father got primary physical placement, and my mother got 4 hours of visitation a week, and THAT is what dictated child support (or would have if she could have afforded to pay it). April 10, 2012, 6:34 pm. (i.e. And I am, I must admit. Except I acknowledged that was guesswork on my part. April 9, 2012, 6:39 pm, Oh, please. April 9, 2012, 1:15 pm. If this is the case with this woman, then she may well not be at all thrilled to be pregnant and not expecting anything from this guy. But let me make a few suggestions Steve. The crazies on both sides just come crawling out of the woodwork. Im NOT saying she should abort, just that shes an idiot & she shouldnt expect a one-night stander to suddenly be a father. Just because shes decided to not have an abortion because your boyfriend cant stand her and doesnt want anything to do with her or the innocent child, who, like it or not, he helped create, doesnt mean shes trying to trap him or that shes a scroat. Come on, though Three times? bittergaymark Cant thank you enough for your response! Youre asking them to have a medical procedure and abort their unborn child. No, thats the kids money. I dont think you have the maturity to deal with this sort of complexity so I would peace out for the sake of everyone involved, especially the baby. How do you even know that his man was actually, really furious? You shouldnt be following so closely behind someone that if they were to suddenly slam on their brakes you wouldnt be able to stop (for a billboard, for a kid running across the street, because theyre being dicks, ect). Want to be disappointed, read the comments first and then read the letter. Therefore, move on. He can take all the risks he wants its his choice. Ive stayed away from this question because I honestly dont think I have a very well informed opinion on the matter.

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