My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash. Dont give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. Affirmations are a great way to change your mindset. Frances McDormand, 42. I have a healthy body, tranquil mind and a vibrant soul. Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. 118. Mental Style Project has been created as an outlet to guide you as you navigate through life, with the right tools and resources that will upgrade your life, enable you to take charge of your personal growth, and improve your wellness journey. But this shouldnt be a problem, as you can come up with your own humorous affirmations. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. Pleasing everyone, thats impossible. Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? Education cost money. Yeah, so is a grenade. 2. First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. I am on a seafood diet. We are going to be best friends forever, besides you already know too much. 162. Yesterday I did nothing and today Im finishing what I did yesterday. If you're going to be thinking, you may as well think big. I may not know karate, but I know crazy and Im not afraid to use it. 266. I make the right choices every time. The rest are too expensive. 219. It has nothing new to tell you. Why did the school kids eat their homework? Use this space for describing your block. Self-worth has nothing to do with clothing size. 68. 3. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. Theres no stopping me now. If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut. 62. 131. 52. I didnt give a f*ck yesterday, I dont give a f*ck today, and I wont give a f*ck tomorrow either. When the past comes knocking, dont answer. Art doesnt transform. If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. [click_to_tweet tweet="Things are getting better all the time" quote="Things are getting better all the time" theme="style4] I did it! Albert King 3. 127. You may have people laugh at you instead of with you. Billy Wilder. 185. I am thankful for all those difficult people in my life. If youre just starting your affirmation journey, you might feel skeptical at first. Actually, you dont have to imagine. If at first, you dont succeed, so much for skydiving. Every one of my colleagues brings happiness into the office. 40 Apology Paragraph For Her To Say Im Sorry, 80 Cute Relationship Quotes For Sweet Couples In Love, 50 Doubt In Relationship Quotes To Rebuild Trust, 75 Sad Broken Relationship Quotes To Fix Your Heartbreak, 70 Relationship Honesty Quotes On Love, Trust & Loyalty, 80 Relationship Sorry Quotes To Apologize To Your Love, 65 Disney Quotes About Family That Will Warm Your Heart, 90 Best Shrek Quotes From The Funny Ogre Movie, 80 Blended Family Quotes To Share With Your Loved Ones, 90 Female Fitness Quotes For Women Who Workout. I feed my spirit. Using affirmations can significantly impact your outlook on life, but saying such serious statements to yourself can often make you feel silly. 221. Albert Einstein, 190. Theres no stopping me now. 277. Positive Affirmations And Inspiring Quotes About Life Life is filled with highs and lows, sometimes, we need some inspirational quotes to help us overcome challenges of life and offer guidance to us. 169. I never apologize. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. I am intelligent. 188. Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please. 8. We get so worried about being pretty lets be pretty kind, pretty funny, pretty smart, pretty strong., 9. 228. Affirmations are an opportunity to be honest with ourselves and recognize that we have a treasure trove of power and creativity within us. 14. -Gandhi. I can do this. Today, I look at my goals. I have committed to being my most outstanding self. Use them as a tool to boost your self-esteem and productivity, as well as to overcome procrastination and complete all assigned tasks. Remember: Dont Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go., 5. "Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It changes your perception and these short positive affirmations have a way of changing the way you look at yourself and feel more confident. When you fall, I will be there to catch you with love. I dont worry about getting older. 28. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Positive affirmations kind of set the way how your day will flow. 19. 191. 6. "May your yoga pants be stretchy, your coffee be strong and your Wednesday be short.". When affirmations make you feel good about yourself, they are most effective. 180. I'm having a staff meeting.". Most of the articles that Ive written about affirmations are about more serious topics: Lets keep things a little lighter in this article shall we? Your eyes water when you yawn, because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. 273. 151. They planet. Its not important to win, its important to make the other guy lose. I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case were having cake. Czech proverb, 261. You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. 128. First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. 173. I am at peace with my body and accept it as it is. Every time you are able to find some humor in a difficult situation, you win., 5. Read next: 45 Self-Compassion Affirmations to Practice when Feeling Low. I breathe in and out. Its scary when it disappears. 226. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. "I make people laugh, whether it's with me or at me.". - F. 108. Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. Youll probably grin or laugh if you say these affirmations aloud, thinking youre crazy. Happy Birthday.". The best way for me to appreciate my job is to imagine myself without one. So, here's our compilation of funny work quotes that are perfect for every workplace: Image Source: Unsplash. On Mercury, a day lasts 1,408 hours. 265. 36. I nourish my body every day. The older I get, the more I start ignoring my friends. Cry a river. Bill Gates. Today I was a hero. My imaginary friend thinks he has problems. Be careful when you follow the masses. What better way to do that than through your own self-talk? Albert King. IRS: Weve got what it takes to take what you have got. 234. If you feel like todays not your day and the best thing would be to stay in bed, Ive got something that will cheer you up. 92. I stick to things until I get to my destination., 12. 206. My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. I'm amusing and people enjoy talking to me. 1. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. My diet for today: 1% food, 99% Halloween candy. Jackie Collins Whatever the case may be, a sense of humor can go a long way toward changing your perspective on negative occurrences in your life. Flip Wilson, 263. 230. 9. I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. I can believe in myself for 5 minutes., 2. 58. Effective pushing often involves poop. 21. Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing. 123. 81. I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for! I am transforming into someone who is outgoing and makes others laugh. "What doesn't kill you makes your drinks stronger.". 141. Ive made it from the bed to the couch. Life would be tragic if it werent funny too. Short Positive Affirmations "I Am" Affirmations. Trust me, your secrets are safe with me and all of my friends. Dont let anything or anyone stop you from achieving what you truly aspire. 109. 147. "Whatever you do, do with all your might.". East I believed in Santa Claus for 10 years. It is already tomorrow in Australia.". 148. Amidst all the stress, anxiety and worries, a smile can help you brighten your day. When they go away, its a brighter day. Pat Sajak, 41. Flip Wilson My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people., 5. Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world. Some when they enter, others when they leave., 2. 112. I dont like morning people, or mornings, or people. People only rain on my parade because they are jealous of my sun and tired of their shade., 14. Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. Hes dreaming too. Unit #2007 Mahwah, NJ 07430, 50 Funny Affirmations for Confidence, Motivation, and Self-Love, 39 Movies about Friendship and Being with Great People, Relationship OCD: Symptoms, Causes, and How to Treat, 45 Best Hobbies for Couples to Share Together, 51 Passion Project Ideas & Examples List for 2023, 21 Best Films That Explore Mental Illness, 41 Words of Encouragement for Someone in Jail, The 5 Best Vitamins for Anxiety (Our 2023 Review), 101 Toxic People Quotes to Stay Away from Negativity, 57 Strong Mom Quotes About Being a Powerful Parent, 7 Steps to Deal with Emotionally Unavailable Parents, 35 Best Songs About What Its Like to Have Anxiety. Start your day on a positive and lighter note with these funny daily affirmations and quotes to get you through. 166. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? Well, life isn't just about glitz and glamour nor rainbows and butterflies. Expect nothing and appreciate everything. I believe in what's possible for me. 52. Bill Murray If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. 170. The world needs people like me to keep things interesting!, 15. Breasts dont have eyes. Not sure who to credit this meme to, but kudos. 182. 269. Top 10 Funny Affirmations For Self-Esteem, Funny Daily Affirmations To Boost Your Energy, Funny Positive Affirmations For Confidence, 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter, 90 Inspiring & Funny Quotes About Ageing Gracefully, 280 Positive Money Affirmations For An Abundance Mindset. Whats the difference between a guitar and a fish? 13. 1. I am too lazy to be lazy. Then perhaps youd find value in these articles on. All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. Helen Giangregorio. 44. "Life is like a roller coaster pic - scary at the moment, funny looking back.". 150. 93. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. If you steal from one author, its plagiarism; if you steal from many, its research. 195. A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have. Send me the link. It makes them so damned mad. If you just want to keep reading, then heres some affirmations about the funny side of friendship. 9. Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? 198. He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. Life gives the test first and then the lesson. Marriage is like a walk in the park, Jurassic Park. 249. If youre hotter than me, then that means Im cooler than you. First, read the most powerful affirmations below to build a strong mind. These affirmations are funny, humorous, witty and sarcastic for work, friends, family, mom, to boost your self-esteem, confidence and strength. He said, 'So does the guy I stole it from.'" 87. Nobody gets out alive anyway. "If you see me talking to myself. 225. Wouldnt exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them? - Jeffrey Gitomer. I love the moment when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today., 12. 95. Who says nothing is impossible? I enjoy every minute of it. 185. Some when they enter, others when they leave. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wifes mother. What do you call a bear with no teeth? This is a snap. 139. I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. 74. "Today will be a great day". Rodney Dangerfield, 198. Seeing a spider in my room isnt scary. The rest are too expensive. Giving up on myself because of one setback is like slashing my other three tires because one is flat. I am calm, patient and at peace. 4. 157. George Burns, 253. 264. Your actions become your habits. 255. You may have people laugh at you instead of with you. I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. Good morning! I train my body. The library, because it has so many stories. 64. How do astronomers organize a party? 25. 258. 15. I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays. What happens to a frogs car when it breaks down? 'Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.'. You wanna know who Im in love with? 24. Today, I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym. 149. Take a dose of encouragement from your positive affirmations whenever youre feeling down. Life is becoming easier and less serious. I heard a great joke about amnesia but I forgot it. 236. Some people are like clouds. Being funny seems to be taking less effort. Nothing, they just waved. When I grow up to be a parent, my children will think the same about me. Sam Levenson Dear Monday, my mama doesn't like you and she likes everyone. Everyone brings happiness to this office. My mind is becoming much sharper. - Roy T. Bennett. 178. "Being funny doesn't take much effort.". Funny Daily Affirmations. 156. 242. No No NOYes. I am loving all the bad experiences because they are giving me something . 193. I can believe in myself for 5 minutes. 220. An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough. Every day, read them aloud for the best results. Live life to the fullest. Funny Friday Quotes. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. The best things in life are free. Envelope. Im not lazy, Im on power saving mode. He who laughs last didnt get it. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. It may feel useless but just get into it. Get Love Tips Sent Straight To Your Inbox. I am happy and joyful. 1. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome. I tried, but they wanted cash. Remember, What consumes your mind, controls your life., 7. People wont be going to bed thinking about that one bad joke you made. You never know what you have, until you clean your closet. 2. Stuart Turner, 247. 27. Revenge sounds so mean, thats why I prefer to call it Returning the favor. I'm a peli-can! Steven Alexander Wright Why couldnt the leopard play hide and seek? "You have to be odd to be number one.". I am on a seafood diet. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. It just plain forms. Look, youre smiling! A wishbone. But it'll move up again.". You definitely dont want to kill the vibe by throwing a bad joke out there! Lifes biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I dont want to get out of bed. 159. Bill Murray It will just flow naturally. I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. 138. Everyone wants to talk with me because I am very funny. Not everyone has to like me. My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. 227. I dont need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. Learn sign language, its very handy. 113. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? If the funny affirmations that Ive put together dont break your cool, then feel free to throw on a comedy special on Netflix or Youtube when you feel stressed. 263. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. 276. 6. Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. No matter how bad it gets, Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. Youre talking to yourself. 224. When our phones fall, we panic; but when our friends fall, we laugh. 189. Honolulu, its got everything. Whats the best thing about Switzerland? 196. Im not lazy, Im just very relaxed. 167. 181. I feel great. Any text will do. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour. Today I will embrace the poop. Albert Einstein. 106. 259. Your habits become your values. Robert A. Heinlein The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. I teach my kids good things in sarcastic ways. I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. 3. Heres a list of funny affirmations that will improve your mood instantly. "Don't let anyone ever dull your . However, just saying these statements out loud wont cut it. Your mind will naturally focus more on the positive things that happen that day rather than the negatives. If you have crazy friends you have everything youll ever need. Here, we are listing down some awesome funny positive affirmations that will bring out serious positive changes in you. I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it. 278. 12. And in that moment I swear I still didn't give a shit. If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? I dont go crazy, I am crazy. No matter how bad it gets, Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. 98. Its not important to win, its important to make the other guy lose. And a funny bone. May your coffee be strong and your Monday productive. A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. You may think youll never get over it, but you will, and youll be fine., 7. Lily Tomlin Sam Levenson. 84. Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. It is, therefore, safe to say that, sense of humor can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. This is because, in order to be funny, there are certain details that need to be perfectly delivered. Breasts dont have eyes. Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? Leave me a if you agree! Decomposing. To the guy who created imaginary numbers in math: I hate you. Life is always rocky when youre a gem. This is the mondayest Monday that ever mondayed. When nothing is going right, go left. And no, that's definitely not a bad thing! 209. All rights reserved. These kinds of things just come with the territory if youre trying to live a meaningful life. In between, I am alive. How do astronomers organize a party? Life is a game full of little and big surprises. Stay focused and consistent, and youll start noticing the healing powers of humor and fun. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment. Batwoman: single. "If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.".

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